Sunday, July 25, 2004

A Wasted Day?

In the faint light of the attic, an old man, tall and stooped, bent his great frame and made his way to a stack of boxes that sat near one of the little half-windows. Brushing aside a wisp of cobwebs, he tilted the top box toward the light and began to carefully lift out one old photograph album after another. Eyes once bright but now dim searched longingly for the source that had drawn him here.

It began with the fond recollection of the love of his life, long gone, and somewhere in these albums was a photo of her he hoped to rediscover. Silent as a mouse, he patiently opened the long buried treasures and soon was lost in a sea of memories. Although his world had not stopped spinning when his wife left it, the past was more alive in his heart than his present aloneness.

Setting aside one of the dusty albums, he pulled from the box what appeared to be a journal from his grown son's childhood. He could not recall ever having seen it before, or that his son had ever kept a journal. Why did Elizabeth always save the children's old junk? he wondered, shaking his white head.

Opening the yellowed pages, he glanced over a short reading, and his lips curved in an unconscious smile. Even his eyes brightened as he read the words that spoke clear and sweet to his soul. It was the voice of the little boy who had grown up far too fast in this very house, and whose voice had grown fainter and fainter over the years. In the utter silence of the attic, the words of a guileless six-year-old worked their magic and carried the old man back to a time almost totally forgotten.
Entry after entry stirred a sentimental hunger in his heart like the longing a gardener feels in the winter for the fragrance of spring flowers. But it was accompanied by the painful memory that his son's simple recollections of those days were far different from his own. But how different?

Reminded that he had kept a daily journal of his business activities over the years, he closed his son's journal and turned to leave, having forgotten the cherished photo that originally triggered his search. Hunched over to keep from bumping his head on the rafters, the old man stepped to the wooden stairway and made his descent, then headed down a carpeted stairway that led to the den.

Opening a glass cabinet door, he reached in and pulled out an old business journal. Turning, he sat down at his desk and placed the two journals beside each other. His was leather-bound and engraved neatly with his name in gold, while his son's was tattered and the name "Jimmy" had been nearly scuffed from its surface. He ran a long skinny finger over the letters, as though he could restore what had been worn way with time and use.

As he opened his journal, the old man's eyes fell upon an inscription that stood out because it was so brief in comparison to other days. In his own neat handwriting were these words:

Wasted the whole day fishing with Jimmy. Didn't catch a thing.

With a deep sigh and a shaking hand, he took Jimmy's journal and found the boy's entry for the same day, June 4. Large scrawling letters, pressed deeply into the paper, read:

Went fishing with my dad. Best day of my life.

by Mac Anderson & Koechel Peterson & Associates, Inc. taken from the book "To a Child Love is Spelled T-I-M-E: What a Child Really Needs From You" by Mac Anderson and Lance Wubbels.
original page at

Monday, July 12, 2004

'bout my dreams and desires

I'm registered in a horoscobe (ur luck today) news letter, every day I get a new one . Here is today's horoscope:

SCORPIO (Oct 23–Nov 22): When you close your eyes, you can see fantastic images representing your passions and your desires. When you open your eyes, you see the same thing. No, you're not crazy. The planets have conspired to let your imagination run wild and then to take whatever you've dreamed and throw the illusion of it into your reality. Deal with it. After all, you did dream it.

This horoscope brought me into tears. as you see "the palnets have conspired", well what does the palnets know about my dreams ? can it fullfil my desires ? my innermost and most fragile dreams ? the ones that I frear to let out to the outer world where people would hurt them so easily ? the ones that are kept deep deep within, yet always shows silently on my lonely face.

No, it can't.. this is one horoscope that shall not happen. although I would give any thing to make this one true

and if planets can't fullfill my desires, what can ? (no one can ...)

anyway the day is not done yet

Sunday, July 11, 2004

A Thai master named Achaan Cha said:

"Try to do everything with a mind that lets go.
If you let go a little you will have a little peace.
If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom.
Your struggles with the world will have come to an end."